I had a really personal encounter with God this morning. To backtrack a little, I have been feeling a bit depressed lately. I have noticed that it seems to hit this time of the year. Plus, there has just been alot going on lately; so many people that I love that are suffering from physical stuff. My heart has really been feeling heavy for these people. There is nothing you can do but give them love, a hug, listening ear and a lot of prayer. I have been struggling a little with prayer. It is easy for me to get discouraged when I don't see things getting any better; sometimes even getting worse.
I have been trying really hard to stay close to God, and not let this spirit of depression overtake me. I found myself kind of hanging out in the bathroom at home the other day trying to fight back tears that just came out of nowhere. My emotions are weighing me down so that I have really been struggling to get out of bed in the morning this past week. I just want to stay hidden in the protection of my covers and get lost in my own little world; not think about what is really going on.
So, this morning was no different. I woke up with that same heavy feeling. I had to get up and get ready for church, I was on the praise team today which means I have to get there early, so that meant that I could not sleep in. I spent some time with my bible and journal and God, of course. God gave me a verse of encouragement...
Psalm 18: 17-19,21 He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me. I have not done evil by turning from my God.
With this verse, God reminded me that he has rescued me from depression before and he will do it everytime I need him to, and that he delights in me. God loves me, and is, and will always look out for me, I just need to stay in tune with him. I have victory in him and I am Tenacious because of him. Tenacious is a new name that God has given me. It is a name that keeps me going.
God was not done with just a verse of encouragement. He then proceed to put a little joy into my heart. God knows just how much I love nature. The beautiful sights, sounds and smells of his wonderful creations. Well, I looked outside my window and there was this very cute baby bunny. A couple minutes later there was another. They were chasing each other and playing and it put a smile on my face, so God gave me a third bunny to enjoy. The scene out my front window put a joy and peace into my soul. The sun was shinning, there was a bit of a haze in the distance, a slight cool breeze was coming throught the window and the bunnies were playing in the yard. I just sat back and sighed and the wonderful sight.
I have to come back and finish this later. My family wants to go outside and play a game of backatcha. Be back later.
Well, it is two days later but I am back to finish this post.
God was not finished with doing what he could to show me he was there and that he really cares about how I feel. I went to praise team practice and everyone there was in high spirits. Praise practice at 9 in the morning can be a bit stressful sometimes, but not on this paticular Sunday. The joy that was in the hearts of the other praise team members put me im a much better mood. Thank you God!
I love it when I am that aware of God working in my life; when I can really feel his presence. I love to sing and I love being on the praise team. But it makes it a little difficult for me to focus on God and worship him because the congregation is out there wathing my every move. But, I was able to sing from the heart on Suday. I was in a whole other zone; just me and God, and it felt great!
