Why do you Fear?

Matthew 8:23-27 Jesus Calms the Storm

I have had the desire to write a poem but I haven't been able to come up with something to write about. Writing is like therapy for me. It helps me process through my emotions. I keep a journal and it helps but it is different when I write a poem. I have to really think about what I am feeling or thinking. Trying to find a rhyming word makes me look up certain words to find alternative words, and it just makes me really think about what it is I want to say. My journal entries can really be a jumbled mess sometimes because I just spill out the first thing that comes to mind. Poetry is about digging down deep into your emotions and really understanding them. Sometimes it is tool to vent and release and other times you can really learn from a poem you have written.

So, anyway, last Sunday God challenged me to take what I heard in the sermon and turn it into a poem. So when I took notes that day I wrote down words that felt like they belonged in a poem.
I didn't write the poem until that Wednesday. I will share the poem at the end of this blog. First, want to share some more thoughts about the poem.

I decided that I wanted to share the poem with Pastor Dave; he is the one who gave the sermon, and I hadn't written down the title of his sermon, so I asked him for it because I thought I would use it to title my poem. The only thing he wrote in the email he sent back was the title of his sermon. When I read those five little words my insides kind of froze for just a second. The words were; "What are you afraid of." For that split second I wondered, "Why is he asking me that question?" Then, it dawned on me that those words were just the title of his sermon.

You see I battle with fear. It is something that comes in waves and I have recently been riding that wave. It is really quite frustrating and I have not been able to understand where it comes from. Fear usually overtakes me at night, just when I am laying my head down in my warm, safe bed. My fear is mostly about death, but it is also about what I did or didn't do that day. It is a fear that I physically feel. I trying to pray while riding that wave. I do calming techniques like deep breaths and trying to physically relax my body and slow my heart down. I even try to distract my mind with other thoughts so I don't have to think about the fear. At times it causes me to quietly cry myself to sleep. I don't want to feel like this anymore and I don't want to bother other people with what I am going through because, to be honest, I feel silly about the whole thing.

Those five words caused me to read my poem and try to learn from it. I learned that I just need to keep praying, stay in God's word and continue to build an intimate relationship with Jesus. That is the only way that I am going to be prepared to ride the waves that life brings my way, even death. The waves can seem so destructive and scary. They can even feel like they might cause me to drown but there is nothing that I can do about these waves all by myself. I realized that in my prayers I use the words "I", "Me", and "Myself" way to much. Even though I know Jesus is there and he wants to help I keep trying to help myself. I keep trying to do things to take care of the symptoms of fear and anxiety. But what I really need is a big dose of Jesus; He is the only cure for this. I have to take him in and let him do his job. I need to stop complaining to Jesus and Trust him. He loves me; He gave his life for me. He has the power to protect and save me. He holds my life in his hands and he will not let anything happen to me that is against God's plan.

Ok, I have come to the part where I share my poem with you. It is my prayer that you will be able to take something away from these words that God gave to Pastor Dave and to me.

Why do you Fear?
Written by Tammy Lochridge
March 12, 2014
Inspired by a sermon given by Pastor Dave.

As followers of Christ we must prepare everyday.
For unexpected storms that come our way.
Destructive waves come and crash our boat.
We bail for our lives trying to stay afloat.

All we can feel is our fear and our sorrow.
We forget about Jesus and his life-saving power.
We criticize and complain instead of asking for help.
We have Jesus; we don't have to bail by ourself.

At times it seem Jesus is asleep and unaware.
Sometimes we underestimate how much he really cares.
We think that this problem he is unable to solve.
We think, "Who am I that he would even get involved."

Jesus replies, "You of such little faith,
Why do you fear; your trust you misplace.
Lean into the squall; I have complete control.
Your life in my hands I safely hold.

The wind and the waves in you life I rebuke.
The storms they will calm without dispute."
So, who is this man that the storms will obey?
Jesus; who loves and has power to save.

So, what will you do when storms come your way?
Will you criticize, fear, complain, or will you pray?
Give him your trust; let him into your heart.
You're precious to him, nothing will tear that apart.

Make a Choice

A friend of mine, Angie, and I have decided to train for our first ever sprint triathlon. I was a bit nervous about the swimming part of it at first; actually kind of afraid of the swimming part of it, because I am not a very stronger swimmer. I taught myself how to swim because the very first house that my husband and I owned had an in-ground pool in the back yard, and there was no way I was going to only be hanging out in the shallow end of my own pool. I feel better about the swimming now because another friend of mine has agreed to coach us with the swimming. I am excited about being a stronger swimmer after this is all over with.

So, the beginning of March has started my official training for this triathlon. I have been trying for weeks now to get control of my eating. Actually that has been a battle I have been fighting for a really long time. I have tried to really control what I eat in the last couple of days and it has been difficult. I have an issue with food. I love it, I crave it, I use it to comfort me. It has always had control of me. Today is one of those day where the food has won control. It makes me angry when that happens. I am so tired of the way I look and the way I feel and I want that to change. It is frustrating; it should be easy when it is something you really want to do.

I have an easier time with the exercise part of getting healthy. I admit that I sometimes struggle with getting myself moving, but I am always glad when I do because I always feel much better. I like the challenge of exercise and feeling it get easier. I have started a running program. It is all laid out for me what to do on what days. It gives me something to check off when I've done it and it gives me a sense of accomplishment. I love programs to follow and charts to keep track of progress. Like I said it gives me a sense of accomplishment and it is a source of encouragement when I see the progress I have made.

So to help me get through this whole process I have started a catch phrase; three words to make me stop and think before making a decision. That phrase is; Make a Choice. I always have an excuse; I am weak, I have an addiction to food, I suffer from depression, there is not enough time in the day, no one understands, the list goes on. Those may all be facts but I have a choice. I CAN do it in my weakness, I CAN resist the food, I DON'T have to be controlled by depression, GOD gives me all the time I need, people really DO understand... JESUS give me all I need to make the right choice.

Today I chose to waste some of my time and I allowed myself to consume some junk, "this one last time". I started to come up with excuses and I was on my way down a negative path. Then I stopped myself, sat down with my journal and CHOSE to take it to God. Wish I had done it before I ate the two lunch cakes and wasted my morning playing scrabble on my phone. Anyway, I thought it would be good just to get what I was started to feel off my chest, so I made a list of all the things that I am tired of, then I gave it to God. After that I started to make a list of all the things that God has blessed me with that I am thankful for. It will be a list of 100 things, I left off at 19. I will work on the list over the next couple of days. I have done a list like this a couple of times in the past and they have always helped to change my mood. That was the choice I made today. I chose to not allow my negative emotions take over and to come up with a bunch of reasons why, and I chose to give it to God and force my brain to think about something else.

I want to share with you my journey of training and of learning to "Make a Choice". This will also be a good tool for me to work through trials and emotions, and to document accomplishments so I can look back and remind myself of them when I need some encouragement. And just maybe, in some way this will encourage you.

Until next time...
MAKE A CHOICE.