POWER DOWN

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13

This past Sunday was the first of a six-week long sermon series at our church. The topic was Powerful Positive Friendships. This is what I took away from the sermon. Power down; this was a phrase that Pastor Jerry talked about. It means to give up control. He talked about how we need to give up these words; I, me, my, mine. This especially stood out to me because it was brought to my attention a short while back that I used the word “I” a lot. Giving up control (complete submission) is hard for me. God has been revealing to me that my need to be in control is very strong. When things don’t go the way I pictured it I become very emotional. I lose sight of the original goal.

Perfect example: This past Sunday.
I was given the privilege to plan the lessons for kid’s church for this series on relationships. I have enjoyed every moment of the planning and was very excited about teaching the children. I was very optimistic that with all of the advertising that we had done, and the praying that was done for the series that there were going to be an abundant amount of new children in church. I made up 50 name tags and bookmarks, with the week’s Bible verse on them, to give to all those children. No one came. I was so disappointed and I began to wallow in that disappointment. So much so that I gave up on the three children who are members of our church, two of them are my own children. I didn’t teach them the lesson because “I” was upset about the way things had turned out.

While listening to the sermon on CD, this phrase came to my mind…The hardest person to let go of is yourself. I have been working for years now to give up me; the person living inside of me that I hate. I get so determined to change myself, and I know that God is the only one who can change me and I am fighting him every step of the way. I don’t know how to let go and let God. It scares me and I don’t know why. One thing I do know is that I am so tired of living the way I am. I am tired of the battles that constantly go on inside of my head. I am tired of regrets. I am tired of fear. I am tired of waking up anxious. I am tired of sounding like a broken record. I am tired, I am tired, and frustrated. It seems like the easiest thing to do; let go.