Because You can and You will

Dear God

Yesterday I woke up feeling negative, frustrated, and overwhelmed. You know that this has been an off-and-on normal for me for many years. I have been trying to pray to you about it. I have been trying to remember to thank you for waking me up to another day on this earth, and to focus on the positive, and I really do have a lot of positive things going on in my life right now. I have a tendency to come up with short positive phrases that I can say to myself when I am struggling like this, and the one I have been saying lately is, "I can and I will."

Later in the morning, I had a conversation with a good friend, who also happens to be my pastor, and during our conversation he reminded me that we need to stop the negative talk that can easily become part of a conversation. This was not his intent, we were just chatting. It was a very much needed reminder, though, because I have been watching myself slip back into that negative pattern of thinking that I am so good at. After our conversation I went to work cleaning the church, and I was feeling all the negativity that I had allowed to build inside of me, so I started to repeat the phrase to myself; "I can and I will." As I was repeating those words to myself, I started to think about why I can and I will. It is all because of you, God. So I added another part to the phrase; "I can and I will because God can and God will."

Then I started to think about the things that I can and will do. An excitement started to build inside of me, and you started to remind me of all the desires that you put into my heart in the past. The desires that I felt excited about but was convinced that I could never achieve. You know the reasons I gave myself; not smart enough, not disciplined enough, to controlled by my fears, to weak....There are always a million reasons why not. But you kept on pushing me and you continue to push me out of my comfort zone. You keep that desire burning so that I will keep wanting. You fill me with a hope that keeps me pushing through all of the reasons why not.

The more I thought the more you revealed to me, and the more you revealed to me the more excited I became. I literally had a bounce in my step, and I couldn't keep myself from smiling. I couldn't contain myself from thanking my friend for speaking out loud your reminder to stay positive and to trust in you.

I have a passion for ASL, and it has been a dream of mine to find a way to use that passion. You have set in place an opportunity to teach little children (another passion of mine) how to communicate with the use of ASL before they are able to talk. I am so thankful that you have placed Signing Time in my life so that I could become certified to teach ASL to babies, and any one else who might want to learn. I have been so excited about this opportunity, but I have also been battling against the reasons why not. But you just keep on working and supplying me with hope so that I can find it in me to keep pushing through.

Another long time desire of mine has been writing, and you have placed an opportunity before me to share my writing with the hopes of inspiring others. It still does not seem real to me...I have written a book. I am currently in the process of getting it published. The whole time I was writing the book I felt good. I believe that you inspired every word in their. I believe that you have given me a talent for writing and you want me to share it with others. But then I would sit and really think about what I was doing and all I could think was, "What was I thinking? I am not qualified to be a writer. There is no way anyone will want to read my silly old book"...the many reasons why not. Even though those thoughts tried to consume me I found myself continuing to push through the process of writing and publishing my book.

There is another desire in my heart that you have given me that I am still waiting on. I just know that it will happen, because the desire is so strong, and it will not go away even though I try to convince myself why not, and it will give you glory.

Thank you, God, for faithfully working in my life, and for loving me enough to continue to push me through the adventures of life. Thank you for always being by my side and for giving me a testimony to share. Thank you for reminding me that you are at work, you are always there, and you give me all I need. You are trustworthy, and not matter what you place in my path I can and I will because You can and You will. I pray that others would not miss out on a relationship with you. I could not imagine trying to do life without you, again. I don't know how I did it before.

With all of my love and trust in Jesus' name amen.