HEALTH

I have to be honest; I have been finding it harder and harder to make myself sit down to read God's word and pray. The desire to do so is just not there. I have been pretty regular with my challenge prayer and trying to continue with my gift list. Some days it is just hard to see the gifts. I have just been feeling blue and disconnected. It makes me wonder if depression is creeping back in or just the simple winter blues.

Health is the theme word for my church. That has become my personal theme word; health. I have been trying to work hard at a healthier me: Challenge prayer, gift list, counseling. I have future activities in place to work toward better health; Biggest Loser at Hope Crossing, and The Art of Marriage seminar on Valentine's day. I had been feeling my spirit lift but Satan must have found a weak spot and he is working hard, and I have not been leaning on God. I have been trusting in Satan's lies more than I have been trusting in God's truth. It somehow seems easier even though I know that is not true. All it does is lead you to three hour meltdowns; sleep deprivation does not help the situation, either. A friend reminded me today that God is close to those hurting. God showed me that it hurts right now BECAUSE he is at work in my life. He is at work helping me to succeed in becoming a healthier me; answer to my challenge prayer. He never fails us. He never fails me even though I doubt and fear. I have actually stopped using the word "willing" and "going to" in that challenge prayer and replaced them with want, because that is all I feel I can do right now. But, God has honored that prayer by letting that be enough and working in my life anyway. Then he showed me he has been working. He is finding ways to keep me encouraged even though I have been resisting Him.

I was reminded while preparing my Sunday School lesson for the kids Sunday what kind of soil I need to be. I have to be the good soil; the soil that is full of nutrients so the seed (God's word) can grow and grow into a strong hardy plant. The only way my soil can stay good is by sticking close to God, even when he feels distant or I feel dry; I have to keep keeping on in his word and in conversation with him. He will always honor my efforts, even when my efforts feel like just mindless motions.

Gift List:

January 16
23. Family able to spend an evening together all in one room, special moments few and far in between.

January 17
24. True, honest, all-accepting friendships.
25. Mother; self-sacrificing, doing-the-best-she-can love.
26. Sisters; special kind of relationship, there-when-you-need-them love.
27. Father; brought me into this world. Didn't know how to show his love, didn't know how to heal. I believe he loved me; he tried.

January 19
28. Silence.
29. Laundry = because we have clothes to wear.
30. Housework = because we have a house to live in.

January 20
31. New beginnings with every breath taken.
32. Color; bold, vibrant, energizing; dull, washed out, bleak and peaceful; dark, earthy, warm and inviting.
33. Water; refreshing, cleansing, relaxing, play time.
34. Memories; ugly, sad; beautiful, joy; exciting, fun; hard, strength; teaching, life-lessons learned/learning; life-giving moments.
35. Spirit-lifting, skin-warming, light-giving sun.
36. Rays of light opening gray skies.
37. His Love! (I was shoveling snow this day and I saw on the driveway, where the garbage cans once sat waiting for the garbage truck, a clear patch in the snow in the shape of a beautiful heart.

January 22
38. Listening ears.
39. Prayers from loved ones.
40. Time alone, no thoughts, no words, just being.