Feelings of Unworthiness You are fearfully and wonderfully made by your Creator. (See Psalm 139:14)
I have a bad habit of comparing myself with others. I am a people watcher and I observe closely, and I can look at some people and think, "I wish I could do that like he/she can. I wish I was as good at that as he/she is." I find myself thinking about how inadequate, incapable, and unworthy I am to do, say or be a part of something. I did some research, like I have been the last couple of days, of verses that apply to this issue before I read the eDevotion for 40 Things to Give Up For Lent. These are the verses that spoke to me.
2 Corinthians 12:10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Of course, weakness is the word that spoke to me. This reminds me that I am strong in my weaknesses.
Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
A reminder that God is by side. He loves me and sees me worthy enough to strengthen me and help me and hold me up. He doesn't look at me and say, "Come see me when you get over your weaknesses and feelings of unworthiness. I can't use you when you are like this." No, his power is made perfect in our weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." You are worthy. I am worthy.
There was a lot in the eDevotion that I could relate to. So, instead of babbling on about myself, I thought I would just quote parts of Pastor Phil Ressler's devotion.
"A child needs the affirmation of their father. But many times that affirmation is not there. the father may be absent or it may be that their father never told how proud he was of them. He was quick to criticize, but slow to affirm. When that child grows older, they will continue to search for the blessing of their father. But they continue to live with a void. Maybe you can relate. You desire love, respect, acceptance, or approval. But you don't feel worthy."
I know that feeling of desiring the love, respect, acceptance and approval that I did not get from my dad. I hope and expect others to give me what I didn't get from my dad and most of the time I walk away disappointed and hurt. That is not by the fault of the person I reached out to. It is impossible for them to fill that void. There is only one who can fill that void, and to be honest I struggle with trusting that he can accomplish it either. I guess I compare my Heavenly Father to my earthly father. Even though I know I shouldn't. That is one of the goals of becoming a healthier me; that I would believe that I am as precious as God sees me.
More from the eDevotion:
"But these are lies that come straight out of the pit of hell. You are worthy enough because Jesus died for you. You need to know that you are the most beautiful, the most precious, and the most prized part of his creation. Your Heavenly Father is proud of you. More than you realize! You are worthy because you are his precious child, redeemed by the blood of Jesus."
Pastor Phil suggested writing a love letter to yourself to tell yourself how much God loves you and what you mean to him. That reminded me of letter I wrote to myself as a women's group assignment. We were reading from Created Beautiful from Focus on the Family. This letter was to be about how much God loves every aspect of the body and person he created. I wrote this on October 14, 2008. I want to share that letter with you now:
Beautiful daughter,
I just wanted to write you this letter to help you understand that you are wonderfully made. Your physical appearance is very unique and special. You are just the way I imagined you would be. I only create what is pleasing to me. I made your physical appearance in a way that would and does please the man that I created to be your husband.
Your physical appearance is not what I focus on, it is your inner beauty. You have a sincere heart and desire to live your life for me. You have a very caring heart. You have such a strong determination to turn your life experiences into learning experiences, and that helps you to grow, and I have seen you change and grow a lot over the years. That is what makes you beautiful.
Your physical appearance in temporary and always changing, and as hard as you might try, you can't stop those changes. Your outer shell is just something people see. Your inner beauty, your spirit, that is what they feel. Don't be so afraid to just let go, let the love I have for you shine through. Let people see Jesus in your heart. If you show them that then they will always see the beauty I see. Now, remember people are people, some might not appreciate what they see, but they will see it.
Your loving Designer,
God
Wow, what a reminder for me. Also, a reminder that when you do a project like this you really need to pull it out every little while and read it for encouragement.
Dear Tammy,
It is important that you separate the relationship that you had with your dad from the relationship you have with you Heavenly Father, God. You need to remind yourself everyday, by reading your bible and spending quiet time with God, just how much God loves you. He is faithful and trustworthy. He will always love you and never let you down.
You really have struggled a lot over the years with emotions, and you have allowed yourself to put your trust in those emotions. I am so glad that you are taking some new steps to find healing. You are processing like you have never done before, and it is stirring up the emotions. It feels redundant and at times pointless. But it is necessary, it is real, own it, and remember that God is holding your hand and guiding you along the way. And even when you make mistakes, because you will, God will still love you, and he will help you get right back on track. Let him work in your life. Trust in his ways and in his timing because they are perfect. He is the only one who can and will fill the void in your heart, and he wants to so let him. Stay strong and lean of God.
With all my love and understanding,
Me
God, I thank you for your faithfulness and trustworthiness. Thank you for the gift of your Son so that I could have a relationship with you. I know that you are always by my side, even in the times that I don't acknowledge you. I could not imagine doing life without you. Thank you for reminders of how precious I am to you. For reminders that you can and do use me in spite of my human weaknesses. You tell me I am worthy; worthy of your love, worthy enough for you to use me in the plans that you have for us all. You give me talents and gifts that I can use, and do use to give you glory, and to honor you. I give to you today, along with my fear of failure, and fear of stepping out of my comfort zone; my feelings of unworthiness. I know that those feelings go against how you feel about and see me. You created me and you only create what is good, pleasing, and beautiful, and worthy. Help me to always remember that truth and to ignore the lies of Satan.
With all of my love and trust in Jesus' name Amen!
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